my being single is dangerous.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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