Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize