nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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