No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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