my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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