Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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