Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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