DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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