Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize