One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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