Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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