Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize