I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
do nipples grow back?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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