Whod you bang
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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