Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize