no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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