I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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