thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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