I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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