my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
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My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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