DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize