Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?

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(803): I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right? http://tfl.nu/ihkh

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

(636): View more from Missouri

You know how us drunks love counting steps

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(636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf

Replies (17) Good night (2488) Bad night (498)
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(850): View more from Florida

So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.

(850): View more from Florida

I guess we all know what he was cookin.

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(850): So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines. (850): I guess we all know what he was cookin. http://tfl.nu/lvcl

Replies (15) Good night (1008) Bad night (3807)
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(813): View more from Florida

He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.

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(813): He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys. http://tfl.nu/u6q3

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(419): View more from Ohio

i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

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(419): i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself http://tfl.nu/tgru

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(509): View more from Washington

Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

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(509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov

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(848): View more from New Jersey

You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?

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(848): You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself? http://tfl.nu/hc7l

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?

(1-920): View more from Wisconsin

Yes and yes

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(920): Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend? (1-920): Yes and yes http://tfl.nu/cdzo

Replies (4) Good night (2003) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
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(916): View more from California

............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help

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(916): ............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help http://tfl.nu/sdm1

Replies (6) Good night (392) Bad night (1495)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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(229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0

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(551): View more from New Jersey

No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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(551): No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours. http://tfl.nu/8sve

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.

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(615): Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pm20

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(330): View more from Ohio

i've created a new STD.

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(330): i've created a new STD. http://tfl.nu/t8hp

Replies (8) Good night (226) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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(504): View more from Louisiana

So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.

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(504): So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius. http://tfl.nu/mef6

Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (159)
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(518): View more from New York

There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."

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(518): There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina." http://tfl.nu/mvmf

Replies (3) Good night (642) Bad night (73)

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