Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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