Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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