i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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