There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dick very happy bro
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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