these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize