We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize