she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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