you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize