May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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