the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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