i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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