I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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