but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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