I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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