Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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