Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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