genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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