Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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