Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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