We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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