remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I puked a lego.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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