I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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