Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize