It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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