He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize