...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize