sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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