What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Me. At least after what I've been through.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize